Wednesday, October 1, 2008

What if ...?

Ever look back at your choices in life and wonder what if I had taken a different path. Stupid question, every one does, right? You often have these soul searching moments when you find yourself at a crossroads so to speak. Not sure how to move forward, so you go backwards in your mind. Maybe you are trying to validate that you did the right things. Maybe it’s to torture yourself by thinking of the alternate routes you could have taken and how sweet everything would be now if you had…

Truth is none of us knows what the future holds and no one can tell what other things could have happened had your path diverged from the one you are on now. Yet we still do this. This reflection on the past. This “what if” scenario that we ponder over and over again.

Happiness is a pretty elusive thing. It’s really more of an art form. To be happy in life you have to perfect the skill of contentment, be able to accept things for what they are, be able to see the glass half full at all times. It’s a state of mind. One that requires a lot of work and focus and definitely does not come naturally. Our every present darkside is always at work, stealthy chipping away at our happy facade. It’s why depression never happens over night but sneakily works it way into your mind day by day till it takes you down,knocked youoff your feet and eaving you wondering how you never saw it coming. There is reason, sorry Tom Cruise, you need the pills to get out a hole like that…

I have alot of what-ifs that my always awake brain likes to roll around in my mind. Did I pick the right career? Spend more time on my relationships? tried to have kids? live closer to family ....

The fact is in almost every major decision I have made in life I chose be non-conformist. Which is really weird considering I hate breaking the law. I guess I saw the popular choices in life , doing just what everyone else was doing as boring. That is not to say I am THAT unique of a person. I am not. The are plenty of folks that made the same kind of choices that I have. But I think the motivation for all of us was to do something different. Be different…

I knew, when I was 11 that I wanted to be an engineer. Not because my Dad, or my cousins were engineers. But because I read an article in Scientific American, about the designer of Audi fox. She was on the cover and hailed as a revolutionary engineer. And I knew right then, I wanted to be just like her. Not just an engineer, but kick ass one. It’s not often you have such clarity of thought, but it never occurred to me to question myself then.

I do now.

I know I am a pretty kick ass engineer. Check there. But having accomplished that I don’t really sense satisfaction. The reality of life as an engineer, the long hours, the working with fellow geeks and nerds, the logical thinking that makes us socially retarded creatures, never considered how that would effect my everyday life. Not to mention, who cares that I designed the fastest networking chip. Great! Some pervert can download porn faster now...How does that help me make my mark on the world?

My point is I wonder how things could have been different if I had not had that epiphany at age 11… What would I be today… Would life be infinitely more interesting than it is now?

I can’t change the past but I certainly can change the present. Work on that glass half full attitude. Anything can be interesting if you show an interest and engage with it. Life is no exception. So lets go forth and be happy and live interesting lives…

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