It is Memorial Day and I thought it would be fitting to write something to honour the fallen heroes. In Canada and most other commonwealth and allied forces countries, Nov 11, Remembrance Day, is the day that the heroes of war are remembered. And every year, on November 11, I wear a poppy pin and I post the John McCrae Flanders Field poem.
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
It's a beautiful poem that captures the sacrifice that men and women around the world made so that you and me could live in a free world, and to have the right to exercise that freedom. And when you look at the images of row after row of white crosses at the Arlington Cemetery, you can't help the shiver that goes down your spine knowing of all the lives lost for your life today. To serve ones country is not just an honour, but the highest form of duty and one that not many of us in this day and age will think to do. But there are still folks among us that will bear this duty and stand up when their country calls them forth. No matter what you think about the current state of affairs, and the wars we are fighting today in Iraq and Afghanistan or elsewhere, no matter what your ideology, your political belief, you cannot deny that what those men and women are doing, risking their lives everyday, is something to be proud of, something to honour. We wish them a safe return home, these brave men and women, we wish they will be led by leaders that will not places them in harms way unnecessarily, because they have placed their trust in those leaders. And they have placed their lives on the line, to serve and protect us.
I remember a Canada parade years ago in Ottawa. There was a military parade past Parliament Hill. I remember that the last remaining veterans from World War two, marched in that parade. There was a couple that were in wheel chairs, but they were dressed in their crisp military uniforms, backs straight, head held high and the solemn look of one that had seen so much in this lifetime. And they marched. Those few remaining heroes, and I remember not being able to stop the tears because at that moment I truly felt that I was there, because of them. I truly felt I owed these men my life. Because they fought for a future that became my present, my life today.
Two years ago I attended a funeral for CWO Cornell Chao. He was the brother of a coworker of mine. It was his third deployment to Iraq, when the Apache helicopter that he piloted was shot down as he provided support to ground troops. The funeral was with full military honour, 12 gun salute, white doves, folding of the flag and all that. Ceremony and rituals, but anything less would not have done. Because he was too young to die. He had hopes and dreams like everyone else. He was planning a life with his fiance. And he was on his third and last deployment. He was not from a poor family, that the military was his only option. He joined because he wanted to join. Because he saw it as an opportunity to give back to the country he loved. And he paid for that love with his life.
So today I think back to all those that followed their call to duty and lost their lives fighting for their country. I salute their families that have lost loved ones. And mostly I salute their bravery. Because to put oneself in harms way, so that others may live, that is a selfless act I don't think many can claim. That is the meaning of hero.....
Today is also a reminder to all of us why we need to stand up for what is right, because the road to freedom, the road to the rights we enjoy today, is awash in the blood of so many fallen men and woman. Let their sacrifices not be in vain....
Monday, May 25, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Tough girls do cry
I may be generalizing here, well because I am using myself as an example and other "tough" chicks that I am friends with. I know the tough girl thing may be a turn off to some folks. We are no girlie girls, we are not helpless damsels in distress, we do not need rescuing. We are independent women, can do anything women, nothing is too big of a challenge. And we don't cry
Except that we do.
Underneath every tough girl I have known lies a sensitive heart. And invariably there will be some tale that left them no choice but to be strong, because that was how they were going to survive in this world. Maybe they grew up in a dysfunctional family. Maybe they faced some tragedy. But at some point in their lives, they made a conscious decision to be tough. It's a survival mechanism you see. They know the extent that they can feel things and they know if they let themselves feel everything, they may in fact dissolve into a puddle of goo.
By all definitions my childhood was a blissfully happy one. I was always a tomboy and generally liked playing with boys because they were more fun. I do not recall playing with dolls, but Mom will firmly refute that, somehow I think she thinks not playing with dolls is akin to announcing to the world that I am gay. I was always climbing trees, getting cuts and scrapes, but no matter what I was up to, you can bet that I was having fun. I was a happy kid. Loved to laugh. And loved to make others laugh. At school I knew everyone. This is not an exaggeration, I mean from kindergarten all the way up to the high school seniors, I knew them and were friends with them. I was the funny little brown girl, with long long eyelashes and the mischievous streak of a monkey. I was surrounded by love , from loving neighbours that were like grandparents to me, to caring school teachers, to friends and of course at home all was well.
That is, until we moved from Japan back home. Up until that point, our family was just the four of us. Mom, dad, my brother and me. One happy family unit. Once we returned, I got to meet my extended family. And couple of years after our returned is when the trouble happened. My mother did not have family of her own. So I never knew what it was like to have my Mom's sisters as aunts, or her parents as my grandparents to dote on me. What I did have was my father's very unstable family. He had 3 sisters, one brother and his mother. My uncle was the only one that ever showed me love. I mean the real kind, not the fake I have to pretend to love you because you are my niece. As luck would have it, he was taken from me much too soon, passing away at 46. But my aunts, well they were a different a story and not very nice women. I won't even get into what my grandmother was like. Just that people like her should never be allowed to have children. Whatever was the issue with the women in my father's family, they felt a need to meddle and disturb our happy family equilibrium. And so that is when the fighting started. I was mortified by the thought that my parents would divorce. The house was completely silent, there was a veil of sadness over everything. I thought my heart would stop. I couldn't bear it, yet even at the ripe old age of 12 I knew I could not go to my parents and burden them with my fears. They had enough to deal with. So I internalized everything. I bottled it inside. But the pain was killing me. I used to dream about running away from home just to get away from the silence and sadness. Run to someplace where it would be okay to laugh out loud and be happy. Then I would think about how my parents would miss me and be sad and I would admonish those thoughts. I would pray to god and dead grandparents to come and save me. But no one came.
I remember one night crying so hard and for so long that I finally had no more tears from sheer exhaustion. I remember my brain just telling me, okay, we need a break Marjan. If you are going to cry like this, we need a break. I was always a voracious reader so I turned to one of my books. I suddenly realized that I was able to keep my mind off my troubles and worries. I had an epiphany. My mind was able to compartmentalize, it was my feelings that were killing. So what if I decided to stop feeling? What if I did not let anything move me? Then there would be no pain. And so it was that for the next 4 years I stopped feeling. And read a ton of books. This earned me the reputation of being an insensitive person. And uncaring person. The truth was, I was just doing what I knew best to protect myself. The truth was I was a super-empath, so if I had let myself feel I would have surely have done myself harm.
So it was that I learned to take care of myself. I could not count on my parents to be there to help me out, not when they were hurting themselves. I could not count on their love, their unconditional love because they were suffering. I learned to solve my problems by myself and to keep things to myself. It took years before I could open up to anyone about anything. I felt by telling anyone, I was somehow betraying my parents. 4 years later after that fateful night that I had my epiphany, upon the death of my great uncle, I let myself feel. After everyone had bade him goodbye, after the funeral, after everyone was back to normal, I finally let myself cry. I finally let myself miss him.
That happy, well-loved child, grew up to be a funny tough chick, who secretly craved to be surrounded by the kind of love she once had as a child. I am a Sagittarius after all, and we love nothing more than to love and be loved. That happy kid grew up to be someone that would laugh at the ups and downs of life, shrug them off, pick herself up by her bootstraps and keep marching forward. Always an optimist, I believe tomorrow will be a better day. I try not to let anything get me down. I'll cheer up anyone that is sad, I'll be the best friend you always wanted, be there for you, help solve your problems, and take care of you. But I will never let anyone do the same for me. I can't. Too many years of taking care of myself and handling it all on my own have made me practically allergic to burden anyone else with my troubles. I'll make you laugh instead and help you forget your woes.
And then I'll come home and for a second the realization will hit me, that it's just me. Just me and no one else. And that life sometimes sucks and there is nothing I can do about it. And that's when I cry. But the next day I will wake up, with smile on my face and ready to face the world.
I maybe tough on the outside, but I am way softer on the inside that anyone will ever know. But I think that is the duality of us tough chicks. We are one thing to the outside world and another to ourselves. And everyone of us has a story why we had to toughen up so we could survive. And to those few that get to see the real "me" they know there is nothing tough about this chick.... even if I have been known to make a few grown ass men cry at work hehehe....
Except that we do.
Underneath every tough girl I have known lies a sensitive heart. And invariably there will be some tale that left them no choice but to be strong, because that was how they were going to survive in this world. Maybe they grew up in a dysfunctional family. Maybe they faced some tragedy. But at some point in their lives, they made a conscious decision to be tough. It's a survival mechanism you see. They know the extent that they can feel things and they know if they let themselves feel everything, they may in fact dissolve into a puddle of goo.
By all definitions my childhood was a blissfully happy one. I was always a tomboy and generally liked playing with boys because they were more fun. I do not recall playing with dolls, but Mom will firmly refute that, somehow I think she thinks not playing with dolls is akin to announcing to the world that I am gay. I was always climbing trees, getting cuts and scrapes, but no matter what I was up to, you can bet that I was having fun. I was a happy kid. Loved to laugh. And loved to make others laugh. At school I knew everyone. This is not an exaggeration, I mean from kindergarten all the way up to the high school seniors, I knew them and were friends with them. I was the funny little brown girl, with long long eyelashes and the mischievous streak of a monkey. I was surrounded by love , from loving neighbours that were like grandparents to me, to caring school teachers, to friends and of course at home all was well.
That is, until we moved from Japan back home. Up until that point, our family was just the four of us. Mom, dad, my brother and me. One happy family unit. Once we returned, I got to meet my extended family. And couple of years after our returned is when the trouble happened. My mother did not have family of her own. So I never knew what it was like to have my Mom's sisters as aunts, or her parents as my grandparents to dote on me. What I did have was my father's very unstable family. He had 3 sisters, one brother and his mother. My uncle was the only one that ever showed me love. I mean the real kind, not the fake I have to pretend to love you because you are my niece. As luck would have it, he was taken from me much too soon, passing away at 46. But my aunts, well they were a different a story and not very nice women. I won't even get into what my grandmother was like. Just that people like her should never be allowed to have children. Whatever was the issue with the women in my father's family, they felt a need to meddle and disturb our happy family equilibrium. And so that is when the fighting started. I was mortified by the thought that my parents would divorce. The house was completely silent, there was a veil of sadness over everything. I thought my heart would stop. I couldn't bear it, yet even at the ripe old age of 12 I knew I could not go to my parents and burden them with my fears. They had enough to deal with. So I internalized everything. I bottled it inside. But the pain was killing me. I used to dream about running away from home just to get away from the silence and sadness. Run to someplace where it would be okay to laugh out loud and be happy. Then I would think about how my parents would miss me and be sad and I would admonish those thoughts. I would pray to god and dead grandparents to come and save me. But no one came.
I remember one night crying so hard and for so long that I finally had no more tears from sheer exhaustion. I remember my brain just telling me, okay, we need a break Marjan. If you are going to cry like this, we need a break. I was always a voracious reader so I turned to one of my books. I suddenly realized that I was able to keep my mind off my troubles and worries. I had an epiphany. My mind was able to compartmentalize, it was my feelings that were killing. So what if I decided to stop feeling? What if I did not let anything move me? Then there would be no pain. And so it was that for the next 4 years I stopped feeling. And read a ton of books. This earned me the reputation of being an insensitive person. And uncaring person. The truth was, I was just doing what I knew best to protect myself. The truth was I was a super-empath, so if I had let myself feel I would have surely have done myself harm.
So it was that I learned to take care of myself. I could not count on my parents to be there to help me out, not when they were hurting themselves. I could not count on their love, their unconditional love because they were suffering. I learned to solve my problems by myself and to keep things to myself. It took years before I could open up to anyone about anything. I felt by telling anyone, I was somehow betraying my parents. 4 years later after that fateful night that I had my epiphany, upon the death of my great uncle, I let myself feel. After everyone had bade him goodbye, after the funeral, after everyone was back to normal, I finally let myself cry. I finally let myself miss him.
That happy, well-loved child, grew up to be a funny tough chick, who secretly craved to be surrounded by the kind of love she once had as a child. I am a Sagittarius after all, and we love nothing more than to love and be loved. That happy kid grew up to be someone that would laugh at the ups and downs of life, shrug them off, pick herself up by her bootstraps and keep marching forward. Always an optimist, I believe tomorrow will be a better day. I try not to let anything get me down. I'll cheer up anyone that is sad, I'll be the best friend you always wanted, be there for you, help solve your problems, and take care of you. But I will never let anyone do the same for me. I can't. Too many years of taking care of myself and handling it all on my own have made me practically allergic to burden anyone else with my troubles. I'll make you laugh instead and help you forget your woes.
And then I'll come home and for a second the realization will hit me, that it's just me. Just me and no one else. And that life sometimes sucks and there is nothing I can do about it. And that's when I cry. But the next day I will wake up, with smile on my face and ready to face the world.
I maybe tough on the outside, but I am way softer on the inside that anyone will ever know. But I think that is the duality of us tough chicks. We are one thing to the outside world and another to ourselves. And everyone of us has a story why we had to toughen up so we could survive. And to those few that get to see the real "me" they know there is nothing tough about this chick.... even if I have been known to make a few grown ass men cry at work hehehe....
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Happy Mother's Day Mom
President Obama's on the occasion of Mother's day proclaimed:
"Women often work long hours at demanding jobs and then return home to a household with myriad demands," proclaimed President Obama. "Balancing work and family is no easy task, but mothers across our Nation meet this challenge each day, often without recognition for their hard work and dedication. The strength and conviction of all mothers--including those who work inside and outside the home--are inspiring. They deserve our deepest respect, admiration, and appreciation."
Indeed hard working women inside and outside the house do deserve a hearty appreciation. It is no easy job that is for sure. But in the age of reality TV shows, where so much of everyone's lives is right out there for everyone to see, I wonder if the Desperate Housewives of OC, NY etc fall into the category of mother's to be admired. Or what about the ones you see on wife swap?
Yes it's Mother's Day but there are plenty of women that do not honour that title of mother. When I think of the word mother I think of someone that nurtures and cares. Someone that puts the needs of her family above her own needs. Someone that wants the best for you in life. Someone you can count on and depend on to carry you when you are too weak. When I think of mother, that what comes to my mind. There is a reason it is declared the hardest job in the world. Because so many times it is a thankless job. Because so many times, your dreams and aspirations are put on hold to nurture and feed the dreams of others. It's selfless. And it's hard. It is for this reason that so many women struggle with working and being Mom's. Feel guilty about not being there enough, not spending enough time.
Mu own mother lost her Mom when she was only 17. In fact she suffered great family tragedy. My eldest uncle died in a car crash. 25 days later my grandfather died of a broken heart they say and six months after that, my grandmother woke up in the morning, made the tea, said her morning prayer and then went back to bed only to die in her sleep.
So from age of 17 my Mom did not have someone to call and wish to a Happy Mother's Day. She was left to fend for herself and figure out life on her own. There was no one to guide her or to advice her. No one to tell her what she was in for when she had her own children and the struggles she would face.
My mom by all definitions is someone that belongs outside of the house. Not because she is not a good Mom. She is a freaking over achiever so she does everything to perfection including the Mom thing. But she is best and in her element when she is working. The woman was born to teach. Education is like a drug to her. She can't get enough of it. She loves to study and loves to teach. Yet this woman, put her dreams on hold for her family. She married my father when she was 19. She had gotten accepted to university, but this self proclaimed nerd, ended up giving up her seat, because of having to re-locate with my Dad. The next year she applied to a local school. This was a very private , very prestigious school with very scrict age requirements. She got accepted into an engineer program at a time when not many woman did or could. Unfortunately she also found herself pregnant. So once again, school was put on hold. She lost the baby in the end, but by then it was too late to get back in and she no longer qualified to write the exam again because she was now too old.
Flash forward to six years later, she now hasw two kids, when they relocated again. And again she tried out for university and again she got accepted. One year later, my father's job took us as a family to Japan. Again she put her studies on hold. The story goes on and on, I don't want to bore you, but basically my Mom finally got her bachelor degree, years later, taking night classes and studying into the wee hours of the night and running on only 2-3 hours of sleep. She had to be 43 when this happened. A couple of years after that, my family moved again, this time to jolly old England. I had moved to Canada the year before to persue my gradute studies. My Mom suddenly found herself in a new country, with new culture and lots of idle time. She started to suffer from depression. This was not a woman that just sat around. She had to keep busy. So I suggested that she apply for a Master's program. It took her some time to even consider that this was something she could do and the day she got her acceptance letter was probably one of the happiest days of her life. She worked her ass off. Because being who she was, she didn't just apply to some cushy MSc program, no, she applied to Computer Science. I remember the long distance phone calls, my Mom calling her engineer daughter in Canada, asking her about programing help. My mom sending me her presentations and having me proof read them for grammar mistakes. After all English was her second language. Ya she worked her ass off, tooth and nail for that degree and when it was done, she asked me so what now? I told her, now you do what you have always wanted to do. Now you go get that job and you get out there, where you belong. She had no hopes of anyone wanting to hire a nearly 50 year old woman with no work experience. But bless her, she wrote up that resume and started the job hunt. I told her Mom, make sure they know that you have been busy, always learning something. That shows you are adaptable. That you can do anything.
And rightfully so, the employers where impressed with her credentials, because not only had she managed against all odd to excel in such a hard subject, but she had shown that through out the years she had always tried to keep herself educated the best way she knew how. When we lived in Japan my Mom enrolled in Ikebana and then dressmaking college. It was a 3 year course and her graduation project was a hand sewn two piece that my sister still now wears these days. When we returned from Japan and when money was tight, she opened a little seamstress shop in our basement. She designed wedding outfits for family. Take that Vera Wang. And I got to wear the latest European fashions courtesy of mommy dearest, so that I wouldn't feel out of place among my richer friends. She had completed a MSc in Computer science having never used a computer before that. Her BSc was in finance and banking. Ya so what your point? This was no ordinary woman. She can do anything...
Anyways, she had nothing to worry about. She WAS going to get a job. I had no doubts about that. And so it was that she landed a temporary contract position with a college in London to teach IT classes. Over the years she parlayed that into a full time position, then teaching at two separate colleges. Since then any time there is a new program, anytime there is something challenging to sort through, she is the first person they come too. She works so, so hard. She's now almost 65, works 5 days a week, hardly ever sleeps because she is preparing lesson plans and such and still finds time to remember every birthday, visit friends, throw dinner parties, be a doting grand-ma to my brother's girls and loving mother to her children, She is always there to lend an ear to anyone that needs a shoulder to cry on. This is one strong lady I tell you. And with a willpower like no one I've seen. Life has tried so many times to break her and failed again and again. She is unstoppable. And she's done it all by herself. And to this I say, Mom, have a very happy Mother's day because you deserve it. You deserve like no one I know...
"Women often work long hours at demanding jobs and then return home to a household with myriad demands," proclaimed President Obama. "Balancing work and family is no easy task, but mothers across our Nation meet this challenge each day, often without recognition for their hard work and dedication. The strength and conviction of all mothers--including those who work inside and outside the home--are inspiring. They deserve our deepest respect, admiration, and appreciation."
Indeed hard working women inside and outside the house do deserve a hearty appreciation. It is no easy job that is for sure. But in the age of reality TV shows, where so much of everyone's lives is right out there for everyone to see, I wonder if the Desperate Housewives of OC, NY etc fall into the category of mother's to be admired. Or what about the ones you see on wife swap?
Yes it's Mother's Day but there are plenty of women that do not honour that title of mother. When I think of the word mother I think of someone that nurtures and cares. Someone that puts the needs of her family above her own needs. Someone that wants the best for you in life. Someone you can count on and depend on to carry you when you are too weak. When I think of mother, that what comes to my mind. There is a reason it is declared the hardest job in the world. Because so many times it is a thankless job. Because so many times, your dreams and aspirations are put on hold to nurture and feed the dreams of others. It's selfless. And it's hard. It is for this reason that so many women struggle with working and being Mom's. Feel guilty about not being there enough, not spending enough time.
Mu own mother lost her Mom when she was only 17. In fact she suffered great family tragedy. My eldest uncle died in a car crash. 25 days later my grandfather died of a broken heart they say and six months after that, my grandmother woke up in the morning, made the tea, said her morning prayer and then went back to bed only to die in her sleep.
So from age of 17 my Mom did not have someone to call and wish to a Happy Mother's Day. She was left to fend for herself and figure out life on her own. There was no one to guide her or to advice her. No one to tell her what she was in for when she had her own children and the struggles she would face.
My mom by all definitions is someone that belongs outside of the house. Not because she is not a good Mom. She is a freaking over achiever so she does everything to perfection including the Mom thing. But she is best and in her element when she is working. The woman was born to teach. Education is like a drug to her. She can't get enough of it. She loves to study and loves to teach. Yet this woman, put her dreams on hold for her family. She married my father when she was 19. She had gotten accepted to university, but this self proclaimed nerd, ended up giving up her seat, because of having to re-locate with my Dad. The next year she applied to a local school. This was a very private , very prestigious school with very scrict age requirements. She got accepted into an engineer program at a time when not many woman did or could. Unfortunately she also found herself pregnant. So once again, school was put on hold. She lost the baby in the end, but by then it was too late to get back in and she no longer qualified to write the exam again because she was now too old.
Flash forward to six years later, she now hasw two kids, when they relocated again. And again she tried out for university and again she got accepted. One year later, my father's job took us as a family to Japan. Again she put her studies on hold. The story goes on and on, I don't want to bore you, but basically my Mom finally got her bachelor degree, years later, taking night classes and studying into the wee hours of the night and running on only 2-3 hours of sleep. She had to be 43 when this happened. A couple of years after that, my family moved again, this time to jolly old England. I had moved to Canada the year before to persue my gradute studies. My Mom suddenly found herself in a new country, with new culture and lots of idle time. She started to suffer from depression. This was not a woman that just sat around. She had to keep busy. So I suggested that she apply for a Master's program. It took her some time to even consider that this was something she could do and the day she got her acceptance letter was probably one of the happiest days of her life. She worked her ass off. Because being who she was, she didn't just apply to some cushy MSc program, no, she applied to Computer Science. I remember the long distance phone calls, my Mom calling her engineer daughter in Canada, asking her about programing help. My mom sending me her presentations and having me proof read them for grammar mistakes. After all English was her second language. Ya she worked her ass off, tooth and nail for that degree and when it was done, she asked me so what now? I told her, now you do what you have always wanted to do. Now you go get that job and you get out there, where you belong. She had no hopes of anyone wanting to hire a nearly 50 year old woman with no work experience. But bless her, she wrote up that resume and started the job hunt. I told her Mom, make sure they know that you have been busy, always learning something. That shows you are adaptable. That you can do anything.
And rightfully so, the employers where impressed with her credentials, because not only had she managed against all odd to excel in such a hard subject, but she had shown that through out the years she had always tried to keep herself educated the best way she knew how. When we lived in Japan my Mom enrolled in Ikebana and then dressmaking college. It was a 3 year course and her graduation project was a hand sewn two piece that my sister still now wears these days. When we returned from Japan and when money was tight, she opened a little seamstress shop in our basement. She designed wedding outfits for family. Take that Vera Wang. And I got to wear the latest European fashions courtesy of mommy dearest, so that I wouldn't feel out of place among my richer friends. She had completed a MSc in Computer science having never used a computer before that. Her BSc was in finance and banking. Ya so what your point? This was no ordinary woman. She can do anything...
Anyways, she had nothing to worry about. She WAS going to get a job. I had no doubts about that. And so it was that she landed a temporary contract position with a college in London to teach IT classes. Over the years she parlayed that into a full time position, then teaching at two separate colleges. Since then any time there is a new program, anytime there is something challenging to sort through, she is the first person they come too. She works so, so hard. She's now almost 65, works 5 days a week, hardly ever sleeps because she is preparing lesson plans and such and still finds time to remember every birthday, visit friends, throw dinner parties, be a doting grand-ma to my brother's girls and loving mother to her children, She is always there to lend an ear to anyone that needs a shoulder to cry on. This is one strong lady I tell you. And with a willpower like no one I've seen. Life has tried so many times to break her and failed again and again. She is unstoppable. And she's done it all by herself. And to this I say, Mom, have a very happy Mother's day because you deserve it. You deserve like no one I know...
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Gimme a slice of that humble pie
This past week has been chock full of lessons in humility. Wow has it been a shock to the system. The first came with seeing the Susan Boyle clip, and shamefully like everyone else I was expecting the clip to be like the blooper reel on American Idol. Which by the way I will never understand why they show it. That's just cruel. I digress. It was nearly midnight last Saturday and I came by the clip via Ashton Kutcher on Twitter. What caught my eye was Demi's response that it made her teary, so I thought what the heck lemme see what this it's all about. Folks I sobbed. I sobbed when I saw the clip, because it was against all odds that she would come out and just floor everyone like that. I sobbed because it was such a wake up call to see myself and everyone else judging this book by it's cover. I sobbed because of her amazing spirit, at 47 to still be dreaming the dream (and by the way totally appropriate choice in song). Still have hopes and still have the guts to go for it. I cheered for Susan for reminding is us all that dreams can come true and that you should never ever give up.
The second lesson was one of gut wrenching heartbreak. Being new to the twitter-verse, I had started to connect with some Mommy bloggers. It was kind of awkward for me. I was looking to connect with people that I had something in common and "Mommy" is not a title I shared with most of the gals I met online. A few stood out, mainly because they had funny outlooks on life and being Mom was just a part of who they were and not the whole picture...
But sadly two of these lovely gals suffered great losses. They both lost babies last week. MamaSpohr lost her sweet little Maddie and Gorillabuns her little man Thalon. I read the entries on their blogs and wept with these women I did not know in person. I didn't have to be a Mommy to feel their pain. It utterly shattered me to see just how fragile life was, right there in black and white. To see entries just a few days before the tragedy and read how everything was happy and sunny and then to see the next entry and how one day can change your life forever and turn it on it's head. Life is short. Don't ever take anything for granted. Cherish every moment. Shit happens and we just have to find a way to deal with it and hope that we find a course to ease our suffering in this thing called life. So never miss an opportunity to laugh, because you never know when the tears will come.
Lesson three came on Tuesday. It was the day of Maddie's funeral. A friend had asked me if I wanted to volunteer at a soup kitchen a few months back and I had agreed. I'd never done anything like that so I thought it would be an interesting experience. That it coincided with Maddie's funeral was apropos to me. I needed to do something good, to make up for the goodness the world was saying goodbye to that day. Something to help me feel like balance was being restored in the tiniest of way. So I headed off to what turned out to be a Lutheran church that was hosting the event, with Maddie and Thalon in my heart and thoughts.
There were quite a few volunteers, many were regulars at this monthly event. Being a newbie I got assigned the task of helping out with the drinks. Making lemonade and then working the coffee station. I was a regular barista I tell you. The setup and cooking started at 4pm. By 5pm we went through the drill of where everyone was supposed to be, then we held hands in a circle, the pastor said a few words of pray and the doors were opened. Food service (breakfast for dinner was the theme) would start in another 30 mins, so the patrons were free to munch on nachos and get drinks or coffee while they waited. I watched as people started pouring in and making their way towards me. There were a few drunks and a couple guys that clearly were suffering from some mental malaise, but for the most part, these were average folk. People I would be sitting with and having a coffee, talking to if they were sitting next to me on a park bench. You get my drift. They were just like you and me, but obviously had fallen on hard times. With this economy it's no surprise. But the look in their eyes told another story. I could see the embarrassment, of being there. I could see the gratitude of being handed a cup of coffee. And I could see the apologetic smiles they gave me, like they were saying so sorry to bother you like this.
And let me tell you something. I have given to charities, I had supported causes monetarily, but that day, I was humbled down to my very bones. I was honoured to be serving those people. I wanted to thank them for giving me this privilege of being able to do something. Because we are all connected. We are all the same. And we have to take care of each other. Because that is what community is all about. It not streets and alley that makeup a community. But people that come together and care for one another. We are family, as the song goes.
So I sit here today and ponder the lessons of the week and share them here with you.
Peace and love to you my global family....
The second lesson was one of gut wrenching heartbreak. Being new to the twitter-verse, I had started to connect with some Mommy bloggers. It was kind of awkward for me. I was looking to connect with people that I had something in common and "Mommy" is not a title I shared with most of the gals I met online. A few stood out, mainly because they had funny outlooks on life and being Mom was just a part of who they were and not the whole picture...
But sadly two of these lovely gals suffered great losses. They both lost babies last week. MamaSpohr lost her sweet little Maddie and Gorillabuns her little man Thalon. I read the entries on their blogs and wept with these women I did not know in person. I didn't have to be a Mommy to feel their pain. It utterly shattered me to see just how fragile life was, right there in black and white. To see entries just a few days before the tragedy and read how everything was happy and sunny and then to see the next entry and how one day can change your life forever and turn it on it's head. Life is short. Don't ever take anything for granted. Cherish every moment. Shit happens and we just have to find a way to deal with it and hope that we find a course to ease our suffering in this thing called life. So never miss an opportunity to laugh, because you never know when the tears will come.
Lesson three came on Tuesday. It was the day of Maddie's funeral. A friend had asked me if I wanted to volunteer at a soup kitchen a few months back and I had agreed. I'd never done anything like that so I thought it would be an interesting experience. That it coincided with Maddie's funeral was apropos to me. I needed to do something good, to make up for the goodness the world was saying goodbye to that day. Something to help me feel like balance was being restored in the tiniest of way. So I headed off to what turned out to be a Lutheran church that was hosting the event, with Maddie and Thalon in my heart and thoughts.
There were quite a few volunteers, many were regulars at this monthly event. Being a newbie I got assigned the task of helping out with the drinks. Making lemonade and then working the coffee station. I was a regular barista I tell you. The setup and cooking started at 4pm. By 5pm we went through the drill of where everyone was supposed to be, then we held hands in a circle, the pastor said a few words of pray and the doors were opened. Food service (breakfast for dinner was the theme) would start in another 30 mins, so the patrons were free to munch on nachos and get drinks or coffee while they waited. I watched as people started pouring in and making their way towards me. There were a few drunks and a couple guys that clearly were suffering from some mental malaise, but for the most part, these were average folk. People I would be sitting with and having a coffee, talking to if they were sitting next to me on a park bench. You get my drift. They were just like you and me, but obviously had fallen on hard times. With this economy it's no surprise. But the look in their eyes told another story. I could see the embarrassment, of being there. I could see the gratitude of being handed a cup of coffee. And I could see the apologetic smiles they gave me, like they were saying so sorry to bother you like this.
And let me tell you something. I have given to charities, I had supported causes monetarily, but that day, I was humbled down to my very bones. I was honoured to be serving those people. I wanted to thank them for giving me this privilege of being able to do something. Because we are all connected. We are all the same. And we have to take care of each other. Because that is what community is all about. It not streets and alley that makeup a community. But people that come together and care for one another. We are family, as the song goes.
So I sit here today and ponder the lessons of the week and share them here with you.
Peace and love to you my global family....
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Love is all you need...
Love Love Love. It really does make the world go round. Everything we do in life is for the love of something. Love of power, love of money, love of success, love of fame, love of family, love of friends. But the greatest love, is true love. Something that we will desperately try to fill with all other forms of love when we lack it in our lives and one that when we have it, well, the only way to describe it is through the language of mystics. Because it's that divine.
True love. Some will tell you it's a myth, something only fools believe in or something that doesn't last. Or they will tell you how that the magic is an illusion only to wear off once real life happens. Some will have tales of heartache and heartbreak, of how they were "duped" by love. How love blinded their good judgment. How to love means only to get hurt. How they will never chase that fools gold again...
I am here to tell you true love exists. I know this not from my own personal experience, but because I have seen it in, not one, but two couples in my lifetime. Two couples out of all the folks I have met in my lifetime does not seem like great odds for true love. But let me tell you why I still believe in it.
Love is not something you can take for granted. It's not something you simply fall into and then remain captivated by blissfully. The reason is our rational side is constantly in battle with our emotional side. Tells us we need to get real, act responsibly. Love does not put food on the table, or clothes on our back. Reason and rationality tell us to put love to the side so we can focus on more important things. In fact almost everything we go through life works against love. Why? Because love is passion. Love is being stupid, and I mean that in a good way. Love does not listen to rhyme and reason. Love does not care what anyone thinks, love only knows loves and wants nothing but love. Love tells us to take risks, take chances. Love tells us to be bold, to go for it and give it our everything.
These are all characteristics of a something slightly insane, something slightly off balance, probably why we use the terms, mad or crazy when referring to love. No one became a hero for listening to their mind, but rather for listening to their heart. They may be brave and courageous but mark my words they had a heart full of love that drove them to ignore warnings of danger from the mind. These are not characteristics we embrace as a rational, sensible practical person. That rational practical sensibility takes away from our lives the only truly important thing. What feeds our souls and spirit. Tells us to let someone else be the hero, you just keep your head down. And so everyday, little by little, it chips away at our hearts.
What we all need is to go a little crazy everyday. Do the unexpected. Inject our lives with a little passion. Plan a surprise. Those grand gestures, the ones they make movies, write songs about, they are not grand because they are elaborate, expensive or extravagant. They are grand because they come from a place of total abandonment of thought. Because the mind has been tossed to the side and the it's the heart in teh driver's seat that is racing down the road. Because at that moment you ARE the hero to someone. That's why they blow your mind, because it's unexpected. Because your mind could never imagine it but your heart recognizes it the minute it sees it and just soars.
Love is a language that we need to practice everyday, otherwise we forget how to speak it. Love doesn't need flowers or chocolate, it doesn't need gifts. All it needs is a willing heart , one that remembers, each and everyday how lucky it is to be so filled with such joy.
Love is watching your children or beloved sleep. It's holding hands. It's taking a moment to look at each other and share a smile or a kiss. It's a hug just because. And endless other little things. None of which take much time or money. All it takes is a moment to let your heart feel openly. How many of us do that?
I wish I could say my parents were a great example of such love but they were not. What I see in them is what the lack of that love can do to a person and suck the happiness right out of them. I vowed never to let that be my fate. But I have been fortunate to witness this true love in two of the dearest people in my life, one who is sadly no longer with us. To be around them was to live love, to see love, to breath love. And for me, they set the bar, and some may say too high. But I'd rather have the bar too high than settle for anything less than what they had. Because their life was so full, so rich, so colourful because of that love. And anyone who had the privilege of knowing them will tell you they felt blessed to be in the presence of such awe inspiring love. That's the love I want. The love I believe in.
So if you are one of those lucky people that found love in your life, hear me when I say, you are fortunate, because what you have is such a precious commodity to be handled with utmost care. So don't let it slip away. Practice it's language, nurture it, feed it, each and every day.
And to those still searching for love, never give up. Remember that love is about living life without abandon. About celebrating every minute. About keeping the door to your heart open and about taking chances. Love life, live happy and know that true love is out there somewhere waiting for you. All it needs is a willing heart. Don't be afraid of getting hurt. The road may be bumpy but I promise you the reward for taking that road will take your breath away. So keep on loving...
dedicated to my beloved Shishi and Yoosi
Peace and love
True love. Some will tell you it's a myth, something only fools believe in or something that doesn't last. Or they will tell you how that the magic is an illusion only to wear off once real life happens. Some will have tales of heartache and heartbreak, of how they were "duped" by love. How love blinded their good judgment. How to love means only to get hurt. How they will never chase that fools gold again...
I am here to tell you true love exists. I know this not from my own personal experience, but because I have seen it in, not one, but two couples in my lifetime. Two couples out of all the folks I have met in my lifetime does not seem like great odds for true love. But let me tell you why I still believe in it.
Love is not something you can take for granted. It's not something you simply fall into and then remain captivated by blissfully. The reason is our rational side is constantly in battle with our emotional side. Tells us we need to get real, act responsibly. Love does not put food on the table, or clothes on our back. Reason and rationality tell us to put love to the side so we can focus on more important things. In fact almost everything we go through life works against love. Why? Because love is passion. Love is being stupid, and I mean that in a good way. Love does not listen to rhyme and reason. Love does not care what anyone thinks, love only knows loves and wants nothing but love. Love tells us to take risks, take chances. Love tells us to be bold, to go for it and give it our everything.
These are all characteristics of a something slightly insane, something slightly off balance, probably why we use the terms, mad or crazy when referring to love. No one became a hero for listening to their mind, but rather for listening to their heart. They may be brave and courageous but mark my words they had a heart full of love that drove them to ignore warnings of danger from the mind. These are not characteristics we embrace as a rational, sensible practical person. That rational practical sensibility takes away from our lives the only truly important thing. What feeds our souls and spirit. Tells us to let someone else be the hero, you just keep your head down. And so everyday, little by little, it chips away at our hearts.
What we all need is to go a little crazy everyday. Do the unexpected. Inject our lives with a little passion. Plan a surprise. Those grand gestures, the ones they make movies, write songs about, they are not grand because they are elaborate, expensive or extravagant. They are grand because they come from a place of total abandonment of thought. Because the mind has been tossed to the side and the it's the heart in teh driver's seat that is racing down the road. Because at that moment you ARE the hero to someone. That's why they blow your mind, because it's unexpected. Because your mind could never imagine it but your heart recognizes it the minute it sees it and just soars.
Love is a language that we need to practice everyday, otherwise we forget how to speak it. Love doesn't need flowers or chocolate, it doesn't need gifts. All it needs is a willing heart , one that remembers, each and everyday how lucky it is to be so filled with such joy.
Love is watching your children or beloved sleep. It's holding hands. It's taking a moment to look at each other and share a smile or a kiss. It's a hug just because. And endless other little things. None of which take much time or money. All it takes is a moment to let your heart feel openly. How many of us do that?
I wish I could say my parents were a great example of such love but they were not. What I see in them is what the lack of that love can do to a person and suck the happiness right out of them. I vowed never to let that be my fate. But I have been fortunate to witness this true love in two of the dearest people in my life, one who is sadly no longer with us. To be around them was to live love, to see love, to breath love. And for me, they set the bar, and some may say too high. But I'd rather have the bar too high than settle for anything less than what they had. Because their life was so full, so rich, so colourful because of that love. And anyone who had the privilege of knowing them will tell you they felt blessed to be in the presence of such awe inspiring love. That's the love I want. The love I believe in.
So if you are one of those lucky people that found love in your life, hear me when I say, you are fortunate, because what you have is such a precious commodity to be handled with utmost care. So don't let it slip away. Practice it's language, nurture it, feed it, each and every day.
And to those still searching for love, never give up. Remember that love is about living life without abandon. About celebrating every minute. About keeping the door to your heart open and about taking chances. Love life, live happy and know that true love is out there somewhere waiting for you. All it needs is a willing heart. Don't be afraid of getting hurt. The road may be bumpy but I promise you the reward for taking that road will take your breath away. So keep on loving...
Peace and love
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Celebrate Love
I am dedicating today to love, on the suggestion of the lovely blog "Obsessed with Conformity".
I'll update thru out the day with all things love related. For now enjoy this video:
Playing for Change: One Love
Peace and love to all
I'll update thru out the day with all things love related. For now enjoy this video:
Playing for Change: One Love
Peace and love to all
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Look Who's Famous
I've been pondering the state of celebrity-hood for a few weeks. Okay so I developed a wee obsession ( so shoot me, he is quite dishy) on a certain blond Bond, after seeing his performance in Casino Royale. Yah, I don't get out much and I realize I have arrived to the scene of Danny boy's success a little late, but really I had no clue he was that great of an actor.
I was vaguely aware of who he was, and when they announced him as the new Bond, I thought... What?!! Why? In any event I had already lost all interest in the Bond franchise so I couldn't give rats ass who they picked... whatever...
Then on route back to LA from London, due to the pathetic offering of movie choices on BA, I decided to watch a "classic". And I was promptly blown away by how well he fit the part and what a great job he did. why had I not heard of this guy before? He's a really fine actor. This is where is got me thinking... and I had the sudden urge to know more about the man behind the character. Was he just a good actor or was he an interesting human being as well? So I did a bit on online sleuthing...
Turns out he was always a great actor, just that his movies reached a smaller audience and rarely this side of the pond. With Bond he just exploded on the international scene and suddenly he's this huge celebrity. The smaller number viewer in the past was what prevented his reaching the levels of fame he is experiencing now...
Now he's at award shows, cover of magazines, best dressed, sexiest man alive, you name it... There are paparazzi pictures of his most mundane activities, like grocery shopping, eating out etc. That's right, his grocery shopping is NEWS!!! I shop 3 times a week and there is no bloody person to photograph that, then again I never uttered the words, "the name is Bond, James Bond" on the big screen either. He likes to be challenged in his work. He like vodka martinis, blah blah blah, amazing how much stuff is written about him that has nothing to do with his talent and what he is clearly very good at...
So what's my point? Yes I do have a point and I am getting to it....
There are people around the world doing a fine job, maybe sitting in a cubicle some place but doing a good job, and possibly changing the world as we speak. Yet we will never hear from them. Because they don't have an audience. There will be no award ceremony broadcast on national TV, no lifetime achievement awards none of that... The fact is Danny is no more interesting a human being than the next guy, except for the fact of his acting skills. But somehow everything he say or does, is read and viewed with such interest now. Maybe he should not have stripped down to his speedos... But I guess the question is does anything Dan want to say, or anything he thinks ultimately really important, or worth the attention it gets? DOES HE HAVE ANYTHING WORTHWHILE TO SAY? I couldn't tell you because I didn't see any. No idea how he feels about world poverty/hunger, the war in Iraq, the recession, the million of jobless people around the world, global warming, equal rights etc. Though I did read he had a very nice christmas holiday in the Carribean. I am being too hard on Daniel. I am sure his friends will say he is a very nice guy, just very private person. Sounds like an oxymoron, famous private person...So what makes Danny so famous? He is famous simply for doing a fine bit of acting on a Hollywood blockbuster, on showing on millions of screens around the world. That suddenly makes him an interesting person, some one worth honouring, awarding... That's what put him on the map. An audience...
I think this is where sites like Facebook, Twitter, blogs etc are leveling the playing field. Not that we all want to be famous, but they allow everyone, EVERYONE, to have an audience. And depending on your presence you can reach as far as you want. On these sites you are judged by what you have to say. If it strikes a cord with enough people then Voila, you have now become an online celeb. No movie required... Of course, you'll still not be earning the salary Danny gets for be soooo famous, but who knows, that may come too. Advertisers don't discriminate. They only care if you can sell their product...I digress. But the point I am trying to making is if the pre-requisite to fame is having an audience, we've all got that now. So I guess now more than ever in history, what you say, what you think, how you carry yourself through life is what will make you truly famous. In other words we will be known and remembered for who we were as a person and not for what we did for a living.
Biography channel's slogan is, "Every life is a Biography", which is quite crap considering that the majority of people they feature are showbiz folks...people famous for their profession...
Truth is this, every life IS interesting, there are people all around us worthy of getting to know better, worthy of being honoured, and acknowledged now and not in an obituary when they are dead and gone. I guess it's a bit sick, this obsession with celebs. They are people just like you and me. They just happen to have a job and makes them highly visible. And for some reason they require endless award shows to let everyone know they did a good job. You would think these people are insecure or something. Again I digress...Anyways, I am more interested in what they have to say, or how they effect the society around them. If you have nothing worthwhile to communicate, if you don't care about the society you live in, then in my book you're not famous. I know, I know, they are all crying their eyes out because Marjan doesn't care. But here's the thing folks, we really should be spending our time on people that are trying to make a difference and bring about change for the better. Learn from them, be inspired by them and be motivated to do something worthwhile with our lives.
So next time you see a advert for an award show, try this for a change. Host your own award ceremony and honour the people in your life that matter. Maybe we should do this en mass. Declare a day "insert favorite friend/family member" Day. And then broadcast to the world who they are and why they are your hero, why the world does not know what it is missing, and why they should want to know THIS biography... Do it
love and peace
Oh and Daniel, give me a call, we need to talk... ;0)
I was vaguely aware of who he was, and when they announced him as the new Bond, I thought... What?!! Why? In any event I had already lost all interest in the Bond franchise so I couldn't give rats ass who they picked... whatever...
Then on route back to LA from London, due to the pathetic offering of movie choices on BA, I decided to watch a "classic". And I was promptly blown away by how well he fit the part and what a great job he did. why had I not heard of this guy before? He's a really fine actor. This is where is got me thinking... and I had the sudden urge to know more about the man behind the character. Was he just a good actor or was he an interesting human being as well? So I did a bit on online sleuthing...
Turns out he was always a great actor, just that his movies reached a smaller audience and rarely this side of the pond. With Bond he just exploded on the international scene and suddenly he's this huge celebrity. The smaller number viewer in the past was what prevented his reaching the levels of fame he is experiencing now...
Now he's at award shows, cover of magazines, best dressed, sexiest man alive, you name it... There are paparazzi pictures of his most mundane activities, like grocery shopping, eating out etc. That's right, his grocery shopping is NEWS!!! I shop 3 times a week and there is no bloody person to photograph that, then again I never uttered the words, "the name is Bond, James Bond" on the big screen either. He likes to be challenged in his work. He like vodka martinis, blah blah blah, amazing how much stuff is written about him that has nothing to do with his talent and what he is clearly very good at...
So what's my point? Yes I do have a point and I am getting to it....
There are people around the world doing a fine job, maybe sitting in a cubicle some place but doing a good job, and possibly changing the world as we speak. Yet we will never hear from them. Because they don't have an audience. There will be no award ceremony broadcast on national TV, no lifetime achievement awards none of that... The fact is Danny is no more interesting a human being than the next guy, except for the fact of his acting skills. But somehow everything he say or does, is read and viewed with such interest now. Maybe he should not have stripped down to his speedos... But I guess the question is does anything Dan want to say, or anything he thinks ultimately really important, or worth the attention it gets? DOES HE HAVE ANYTHING WORTHWHILE TO SAY? I couldn't tell you because I didn't see any. No idea how he feels about world poverty/hunger, the war in Iraq, the recession, the million of jobless people around the world, global warming, equal rights etc. Though I did read he had a very nice christmas holiday in the Carribean. I am being too hard on Daniel. I am sure his friends will say he is a very nice guy, just very private person. Sounds like an oxymoron, famous private person...So what makes Danny so famous? He is famous simply for doing a fine bit of acting on a Hollywood blockbuster, on showing on millions of screens around the world. That suddenly makes him an interesting person, some one worth honouring, awarding... That's what put him on the map. An audience...
I think this is where sites like Facebook, Twitter, blogs etc are leveling the playing field. Not that we all want to be famous, but they allow everyone, EVERYONE, to have an audience. And depending on your presence you can reach as far as you want. On these sites you are judged by what you have to say. If it strikes a cord with enough people then Voila, you have now become an online celeb. No movie required... Of course, you'll still not be earning the salary Danny gets for be soooo famous, but who knows, that may come too. Advertisers don't discriminate. They only care if you can sell their product...I digress. But the point I am trying to making is if the pre-requisite to fame is having an audience, we've all got that now. So I guess now more than ever in history, what you say, what you think, how you carry yourself through life is what will make you truly famous. In other words we will be known and remembered for who we were as a person and not for what we did for a living.
Biography channel's slogan is, "Every life is a Biography", which is quite crap considering that the majority of people they feature are showbiz folks...people famous for their profession...
Truth is this, every life IS interesting, there are people all around us worthy of getting to know better, worthy of being honoured, and acknowledged now and not in an obituary when they are dead and gone. I guess it's a bit sick, this obsession with celebs. They are people just like you and me. They just happen to have a job and makes them highly visible. And for some reason they require endless award shows to let everyone know they did a good job. You would think these people are insecure or something. Again I digress...Anyways, I am more interested in what they have to say, or how they effect the society around them. If you have nothing worthwhile to communicate, if you don't care about the society you live in, then in my book you're not famous. I know, I know, they are all crying their eyes out because Marjan doesn't care. But here's the thing folks, we really should be spending our time on people that are trying to make a difference and bring about change for the better. Learn from them, be inspired by them and be motivated to do something worthwhile with our lives.
So next time you see a advert for an award show, try this for a change. Host your own award ceremony and honour the people in your life that matter. Maybe we should do this en mass. Declare a day "insert favorite friend/family member" Day. And then broadcast to the world who they are and why they are your hero, why the world does not know what it is missing, and why they should want to know THIS biography... Do it
love and peace
Oh and Daniel, give me a call, we need to talk... ;0)
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